THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH #7
Adventure. Fantasy. Weird Science. Coming-of-age. Whatever.
CAMILLE FORTUNATO's oddball cousin Ruth helps Camille search for a pair of shoes by showing her a portal to ANOTHER WORLD...PAGE ONE
INT. DRYER
Panel 1: Camille slides down a dark, winding tube.
Panel 2: Camille sees faint light ahead. An exit?
Panel 3: Released into the light, Camille cries like a newborn baby.
CAMILLE: Waaaahhh!
PAGES TWO/THREE
EXT. THE LAND OF LOST THINGS
SPREAD: Camille pokes her head out of a tall sock pile. In the strange, colorful place she’s landed, there are sock piles everywhere. And weird trees filled with kites and balloons.
Ruth stands under a signpost. “Where Did I Put That Street” points right. “It’s Not Where I Left It Avenue” points left. “I Don’t Know Where It Is Lane” points up. “Missing Drive” points down.
RUTH: Ever lost a sock in the dryer? Of course you have. (beat) It happens.
CAMILLE: Where are we?
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1: CU of Ruth.
RUTH: They call this planet... (beat) ... the Land of Lost Things.
Panel 2: Camille squints. Scowls.
CAMILLE: This is way too stupid to be real.
Panel 3: Ruth rambles on.
RUTH: I know what you’re thinking: why not call it the Planet of Lost Things? Well, that’s a good question. (beat) I have a theory, if you want to hear it.
Panel 4: Camille with sour face.
CAMILLE: Am I in the hospital? Like, in a coma or something?
Panel 5: Ruth is amused.
RUTH: It takes some getting used to. But it’s all real. Really real.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1: Camille scrunches face, angrily.
CAMILLE: I don’t know what you did to me, but there better not be any permanent brain damage.
Panel 2: Ruth checks the compass on her phone.
RUTH: Good thing I brought my Wedjat. (beat) It’s easy to get lost in a place like this, so stay close.
CAMILLE: In a place like what? Where are we?
PAGE SIX
FULL PAGE: Camille angrily follows Ruth down “Where Did I Put That Street.” Dumpsters filled with everything from old-school video game cartridges to spin-dial telephones flank both sides of their path.
Stray dogs/cats/bunnies/gerbals/an alligator (some wear collars) parrots, and a DODO wander aimlessly. Old, banged-up vehicles are also scattered throughout the landscape. Nail clippers, headphones, paper clips, party hats, hotel key cards, and other random items litter the ground.
RUTH: Keys, jewelry, pennies, mittens, pencils, pens, crayons, combs –— they all come here. (beat) Ever read about ships and airplanes disappearing in the Bermuda Triangle? (beat) If something gets lost, this is where it goes.
PAGE SEVEN
Panel 1: Ruth pulls a pink umbrella from a stand placed along the way. A sign by the stand reads: “Take One.”
RUTH: You like pink, don’t ya?
Panel 2: Ruth hands the pink umbrella to Camille.
CAMILLE:It’s not raining.
RUTH: Trust me, you’re gonna need it.
Panel 3: Ruth pulls out a leopard print umbrella for herself. Camille stares at her umbrella.
CAMILLE: Where are we going?
Panel 4: Ruth points her umbrella down the center of the road.
RUTH: Up there. That hill.
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1: In the hazy distance, a mysterious hill blocks the way. To get there, they have to pass many other hills. One made of sofas. Another, sunglasses. Another, garden gnomes. Etc.
Panel 2: CU of Camille talking to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): When I wake up from my coma, I’m gonna strangle Ruth. First thing.
Panel 3: Camille jogs to catch up.
RUTH (off panel): Come on. This way.
PAGE NINE
FULL PAGE: The “mysterious hill” is a fused jumble of airplane, small jet, and helicopter parts. It isn’t actually blocking the road -- a tunnel runs through it. Ruth points her umbrella at the entrance.
RUTH: Buckle up.
PAGE TEN
INT. A DARK TUNNEL
Panel 1: Camille and Ruth move toward a glowing light.
Panel 2: The walls groan. There are scary shadows everywhere.
Panel 3: Gets even scarier when—
Panel 4: KA-REECH! Camille tenses. Gnashes teeth. Looks up.
PAGE ELEVEN
Panel 1: There’s a LADY in vintage aviatrix gear clinging to the tunnel wall. Trying to pull something down from it.
KREEEAK!
Panel 2: Ruth proudly points her umbrella at the aviatrix.
RUTH: Know who that is? (beat) Amelia Earhart.
Panel 3: Camille is frustrated.
CAMILLE: I don’t care about your weirdo friends, Ruth. I just want to go home.
Panel 4: Aggravated, Ruth uses her umbrella as a walking cane. Passes Camille.
RUTH: Okay. Fine.
CAMILLE (icily): Fine.
PAGE TWELVE
Panel 1: Camille huffs. Arms folded.
CAMILLE: We shouldn’t even be here. At all.
Panel 2: Ruth spins around.
Panel 3: Ruth glares at Camille.
RUTH: We’re searching for your dumb shoes. Remember?
Panel 4: Camille’s furious. Her eye twitches.
CAMILLE: Those shoes! My -- mom -- my -- urrgh-- (beat) Why would my shoes be on another planet?
Panel 5: Camille throws a hand in the air, yells.
CAMILLE: How -- how did we even get here?!
PAGE THIRTEEN
Panel 1: Ruth grabs hold of Camille’s shirt.
Panel 2: Ruth looks Camille squarely in the eyes.
RUTH: Inter-dimensional travel. (beat) That’s how.
Panel 3: Camille talks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): Yeah. Right. Like that’s nothing. A bike ride to the mall.
Panel 4: Ruth explains, wagging umbrella in air.
RUTH: We entered a portal to another dimension and traveled through --
Panel 5: Camille pulls away from Ruth’s grip.
CAMILLE: Let’s just go.
PAGE FOURTEEN
Panel 1: Umbrella tucked under her arm, eyes locked on the light at the end of the tunnel, Camille pushes forward.
CAMILLE: Another dimension? Seriously?
Panel 2: Furious, Camille spins around to yell at Ruth.
Panel 3: But Ruth is no longer there.
Panel 4: Camille’s anger deflates to a whimper.
CAMILLE: Ruth?
PAGE FIFTEEN
Panel 1: A DARK FIGURE casting a scary shadow emerges from behind a banged-up airplane console.
DARK FIGURE: As I was saying...
Panel 2: The Dark Figure steps into mottled light. It’s Ruth. Holding opera glasses.
RUTH: ... there’s a gazillion universes out there.
Panel 3: Ruth sniffs the opera glasses.
RUTH: They all fit together, too. (---sniff-sniff---) One on top of another.
Panel 4: Ruth licks a lens.
RUTH: Like a big old layer cake.
Panel 5: Camille stares at Ruth, incredulous
PAGE SIXTEEN
Panel 1: Ruth shoves the tiny binoculars in her pants pocket.
RUTH: Each cake layer is stuffed with stars and planets and junk.
Panel 2: Ruth catches up. She pats Camille on the back.
RUTH: By cake layer I mean universe. You get that, right?
Panel 3: Camille’s slack jawed.
Panel 4: Ruth twirls her umbrella.
RUTH: Quantum foam -- that’s the frosting that holds the universes together.
PAGE SEVENTEEN
Panel 1: Ruth stabs the ground with the tip of her umbrella.
RUTH: And each coating of quantum foam has been sprinkled with billions of wormhole portals.
Panel 2: INSERT - Childlike drawing of a diagram that shows multiple universes as floating cakes, stacked but not touching. There are gooey smears of frosting on the top and bottom of each cake. Frosting dotted with sprinkles.
A line leads from a small spinkle/dot/hole on the bottom of one of the cakes. It’s marked “Dryer Portal.” Two Stick figure people drop through the hole. They are marked “Ruth” and “Camille.”
RUTH (off panel): Like the one inside the dryer in your house.
INSERT ENDS
BACK TO SCENE
PAGE EIGHTEEN
INT. DARK TUNNEL
Panel 1: Ruth winks at Camille.
RUTH: So, yeah, that’s how we got here.
Panel 2: Camille rattles her head.
CAMILLE: Good to know. Look, even if my shoes were here, it's gonna be impossible to find them! (beat) I'm so tired. I just want to --
Panel 3: Ruth leans in, touches Camille’s shoulder.
RUTH: Most folks try not to think about the baked-in mechanics of traveling in space-time.
Panel 4: Ruth lightly pushes away.
RUTH: Ahh, you’ll catch on eventually.
Panel 5: Camille talks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): Once we get back home, I will never think on it again. Ever.
PAGE NINETEEN
Panel 1: Ruth pokes Camille with her umbrella.
RUTH: You’re wondering how I know so much cool stuff? Right?
Panel 2: Ruth boasts. Camille looks skeptical.
RUTH: Mom writes an inter-dimensional travel column for “YUCK! Magazine”.
CAMILLE: YUCK?
Panel 3: Camille squints.
CAMILLE: Auntie Carina? Daddy’s sister, your mother does... what again?
PAGE TWENTY
Panel 1: B/W INSERT - Camille’s dad Antony, age 12, and his sister CARINA, age 10. He’s a normal looking kid. Carina, wrapped in tinfoil and duct tape, is holding a weasel. Not so normal. Their names -- written in cursive -- identify them.
CAMILLE (off panel): Does Daddy know about this?
INSERT ENDS
BACK TO SCENE
INT. DARK TUNNEL.
Panel 2: Cu of Ruth.
RUTH: Wellll... Mom’s a pretty famous journalist. (beat) Famous... and hated.
PAGE TWENTY-ONE
EXT. THE LAND OF LOST THINGS
Panel 1: The light outside the TUNNEL EXIT is bright.
RUTH: I mean, she’s trashed a lot of planets.
Panel 2: Whoomph! Ruth’s umbrella pops open...
RUTH: But, come on, the magazine calls itself “YUCK!”.
Panel 3: ...surrounds her with shade. Camille opens hers, too.
RUTH: You’ve got to expect a harsh review. Right?
Panel 4: A sudden barrage of whiffle balls falls down all around them, bouncing off their umbrellas.
PAGE TWENTY-TWO
Panel 1: Ruth folds and twists her umbrella. The balls at her feet settle or roll away.
RUTH: That’ll do it.
Panel 2: Ruth places her umbrella in the stand next to the exit. A nearby sign reads: “Deposit.”
Panel 3: Ruth motions for Camille to hand over her umbrella.
PAGE TWENTY-THREE
Panel 1: Camille can’t close her umbrella.
Panels 2-3: After an aggravating struggle, Camille tosses her umbrella aside.
Panel 4: Camille looks around. Searches for Ruth.
CAMILLE: Ruth?
PAGE TWENTY-FOUR
Panel 1: Ruth is on her knees, sweeping a patch of ground with her hand. Camille (clearly aggravated) joins her.
Panel 2: Camille has a roll of mints. Pops one in her mouth.
CAMILLE: I’m not sharing. Don’t even ask.
Panel 3: Ruth stops brushing dirt. Looks up.
RUTH: Feel that?
Panel 4: Ruth presses her ear against the smoothed ground.
RUTH: Something’s coming.
PAGE TWENTY-FIVE
Panel 1: A pulsating bulb pushes to the surface, inches from Ruth’s feet.
Panel 2: The bulb looks like a human HEAD —- a freckled-faced boy’s head!
Panel 3: A breath mint rockets from Camille’s mouth.
Panel 4: The freckled Head is smiling.
HEAD: S’up!
Panel 5: Camille’s eyes snap shut.
PAGE TWENTY-SIX
Panel 1: Camille (eyes still closed) talks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): When I open my eyes, I expect to see a cabbage, a flower, or a bunny. Anything but a freckled head.
Panel 2: Camille opens her eyes.
Panel 3: Ruth, on her knees, chats with the disembodied head.
RUTH: That’s tough. A real shame.
HEAD: I don’t know about you, but I’m always losing things. Can’t help it. I get sidetracked.
Panel 4: Camille is shocked.
CAMILLE: Magic! This is like magic, right?
Panel 5: Ruth and the Head blankly stare at Camille.
PAGE TWENTY-SEVEN
Panel 1: CU of Head talking to Camille.
HEAD: That would be great, wouldn’t it? To conjure something up. Like... Abracadabra! Pizza. For everybody.
Panel 2: Head faces Ruth.
HEAD: That’s Camille, huh? She’s fun.
Panel 3: Camille stares down at the ground, at the head.
CAMILLE: You’re just a head.
Panel 4: Head looks up at Camille.
HEAD: Very observant. Most people, they don’t even notice me.
CAMILLE (off panel): What?
PAGE TWENTY-EIGHT
Panel 1: Camille sits next to Ruth.
CAMILLE: But... you’re just a head. That’s not easy to ignore.
HEAD: Most people don’t know what you know. Or should I say -—
Panel 2: The Head rolls eyes in Ruth’s direction
HEAD: -— don’t know what you know because you know who you know.
Panel 3: Camille looks over at Ruth. But Ruth’s not really paying attention to the conversation. She’s busy watching something in the distance through her new opera glasses.
CAMILLE: Ruth? I can see you because I know Ruth? Is that what you’re saying?
PAGE TWENTY-NINE
Panel 1: Camille appears puzzled by the Head’s answer.
HEAD: The very instant the Žukauskas girl introduced you to this place, you became aware of things most mortals are -—
CAMILLE: You know Ruth?
Panel 2: Camille talks to the reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): This head must know Ruth. It can pronounce her last name. I can barely do that and she’s my cousin.
Panel 3: Camille and the Head continue their chat.
HEAD: The hat gives her away. I didn’t know who she was at first, but then it hit me -- (beat) She’s the girl from “YUCK! Travel Magazine.”
CAMILLE: I must be going crazy.
Panel 4: CU of the Head.
HEAD: You might be going crazy. I don’t really know you.
Panel 5: CU of the Head, pondering.
HEAD: I suppose if someone was going to lose their mind, this would be the right place to do it.
PAGE THIRTY
Panel 1: The conversation continues.
HEAD: I know you want to ask me a question. Go ahead.
Panel 2: Camille cocks an eyebrow, asks her question.
CAMILLE: Okay. How can someone lose their head and still be alive?
Panel 3: The Head appears amused.
HEAD: I thought you were going to ask how I turn the pages on a...
PAGE THIRTY-ONE
Panel 1: RRUUMMBBLEEBUMPLERUMBL! Big tremors. Earthquake big. The ground/the girls/everything (including the head) vibrates.
HEAD: ... mag-ag-ag-agag-ag --
CAMILLE (to Ruth): What’s hap-hap-happening?
Panel 2: The Head is gone. Nowhere to be seen.
RUTH (off panel): Hmm. No idea. But it sure spooked your little buddy.
Panel 3: Camille hangs onto Ruth’s arm. The ground continues to RRUUMMBBLEEBUMPLERUMBL!
CAMILLE: Maybe we should go, too.
PAGE THIRTY-TWO
Panel 1: It’s quiet. Suddenly dark. Not dark everywhere, just over the girls.
Panel 2: A strong wind hits their backs, blows their hair and Ruth’s chin straps forward.
Panel 3: They turn around and face...
Panel 4: ... gigantic reptile nostrils.
THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH © Mark Ricketts
ART FOR THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH © Shane White
Wow, this is getting very strange...