THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH #9
Adventure. Fantasy. Weird Science. Coming-of-age. Whatever.
While searching for a pair of shoes in the LAND OF LOST THINGS, Ruth and Camille are attacked by GERALD (Ruth’s arch nemesis) and his pet dinosaur. Convinced the girls have found the precious object he desperately wants, Gerald chases them to a cliff overlooking a flowing ravine of discarded FAT. To escape, the girls jump in. Good thing it’s a portal to . . . PAGE ONE
INT. CORN SILO
Panel 1: Ruth and Camille ride a wave of blubber through an open portal into what looks like a dark, metallic circus tent with a pointy roof.
Caption: Later.
Panel 2: The slimed-up cousins sit in a lumpy puddle of fat.
Panel 3: Camille squeezes fatty clumps from her hair.
CAMILLE: Ewww! It’s in my nose, my ears, my -—
RUTH: Could be worse.
Panel 4: Ruth wipes goop from her face with the back of her hand.
RUTH: This bin could be full of corn. All this grease, raw corn, on a hot day –— I don’t want to think about it.
Panel 5: Camille speaks to readers.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): Worse? (beat) Uh, hell-oo?! What about acne? Look at me, I’m marinating in fat here.
PAGE TWO
Panel 1: The girls stand. Goopy muck rolls off them.
RUTH: That was disgusting, but we made it. Good old Pudding, Illinois.
CAMILLE: Really? How could you possibly know that?!
Panel 2: Ruth kicks open a hatch.
Panel 3: Ruth’s oiled face glows from the light spilling into the silo.
RUTH: I know a happy ending when I see one.
PAGE THREE
EXT. CORN FIELD
Full Page: Outside the silo, the slathered girls are surrounded by a ten-foot wall of green corn stalks. The sky above is blue.
Caption: Pudding, Illinois.
CAMILLE: Shouldn’t it be dark out?
PAGE FOUR
Panel 1: Ruth digs into her backpack. Squishy sounds.
Panel 2: Ruth pulls out a lumpy glob.
Panel 3: Ruth shakes her gloppy hand until...
Panel 4: ... her phone (Wedjet) is revealed.
Panel 5: Ruth scrapes the screen.
PAGE FIVE
Panel 1: Ruth consults her phone. Camille’s still squeezing grease from her hair.
RUTH: We left some time after four. And it’s ten to five now.
CAMILLE: We were gone for . . . hours. (beat) I don’t get it, but—but don’t bother explaining space/time whatever. I’m good.
Panel 2: Ruth checks the compass on her phone, points left.
RUTH: Home’s thataway.
Panel 3: Camille wipes her eyes.
CAMILLE: This really happened, didn’t it?
RUTH: Sure did.
Panel 4: A gob slides down Camille’s sour face.
CAMILLE: I thought my life was awful, but your life is crazy bananas.
PAGE SIX
Panel 1: Camille tries to finger some goo out of an ear.
CAMILLE: That jerk with the horn, he’s super scary, and he really, really hates you. What’s that about?
Panel 2: Camille squints, turns away to avoid the spray as Ruth shakes fat from her hat.
RUTH: Jealousy. I’m good at teleportation dodge ball. He isn’t. I can wear hats. He obviously can’t.
Panel 3: Ruth’s hat makes a squishy sound when she puts it back on.
CAMILLE: That’s it? That’s all?
Panel 4: Tight CU of Ruth’s shiny face.
RUTH: Well, I did trap him in a box one time.
Panel 5: Ruth shrugs.
RUTH: In my defense, that trap was set for me. What was I supposed to do?
PAGE SEVEN
Panel 1: Camille reflects: Thought balloon flashes to a time when she was sitting in mud with kids pointing at her, chanting “Mud Butt! Mud Butt! Mud Butt! Mud Butt!”
CAMILLE: This girl at school -- Mandy -- she pushed me in the mud one time, but she never trapped me in a box.
Panel 2: Overhead - Ruth and Camille surrounded by corn field.
RUTH: Gerald Pearl is no ordinary bully. He’s the worst of the worst -- a proficient bully.
CAMILLE: Proficient?
RUTH: He’s classically trained. Third year at St. Ruffian.
CAMILLE: Funny.
PAGE EIGHT
Panel 1: Ruth shows Camille photos on her phone.
RUTH: No joke. St. Ruffian scholars are experts in the art of humiliation.
Panel 2: Camille reaction shot staring at phone. She’s totally creeped out.
RUTH (off panel): Nipple Crippling.
Panel 3: Another creeped out reaction shot as Camille stares at the phone.
RUTH (off panel): Shoe Lacing.
Panel 4: Camille stares at phone, nonplussed.
RUTH (off panel): Noogies.
PAGE NINE
Panel 1: PHOTO ON PHONE - Underwear is pulled up from the back.
RUTH (off panel): Atomic wedgies.
Panel 2: Ruth searches her phone again. Camille can’t wrap her head around what she’s seen.
RUTH: Know what a Swirlie is?
Panels 3 : PHOTO ON PHONE - A tortured kid’s face is dunked in a toilet bowl. Splash!
RUTH (off panel): The Swirlie was developed by . . .
Panels 4: PHOTO ON PHONE - A bully’s hand, holding a hank of hair, lifts the tortured kid’s head from the bowl. Gasp!
RUTH (off panel): . . . Sir Wentworth Snottington-Goon . . .
Panels 5: PHOTO ON PHONE - The tortured kid’s head is shoved in the toilet again. Sploosh!
RUTH (off panel): . . . the headmaster at St. Ruffian.
PAGE TEN
Panel 1: Camille stands in the corn field, horrified.
RUTH (off panel): Gerald learned from the best.
Panel 2: Camille jogs to catch up to Ruth.
CAMILLE: Why do you have all that stuff on your phone? It’s—it’s super creepy.
Panel 3: Ruth spreads apart corn stalks.
RUTH: Yuck! is always looking for reviews.
Panel 4: OVERHEAD. The girls burrow through the corn field.
CAMILLE: Super. Creepy.
PAGE ELEVEN
EXT. ORCHARD GROVE SUBDIVISION
Full Page: Ruth and Camille enter, followed by a parade of neighborhood dogs. The dogs loudly lap up the clumpy fat droppings that fall away from the girls.
PAGE TWELVE
INT. THE FORTUNATO HOUSE - CAMILLE’S BEDROOM
Panel 1: It’s surprisingly clean. Most of Ruth’s junk is hidden from view or sitting in boxes.
Camille sits on the edge of her bed, on a pink-and-blue chenille spread, wrapped in yellow towel, wearing a yellow towel turban, tightly squeezing Mr. Fluff (a stuffed plush bunny) in her arms. Ruth is on the spare bed in a pale blue wrap and turban. Their skin scrubbed hot pink.
Pajamas are laid out on both beds.
RUTH: Ease up, cuz. You’re gonna squeeze the stuffin’ outta that bunny.
Panel 2: Camille loosens her grip on Mr. Fluff.
Panel 3: Ruth smiles.
RUTH: Looks like somebody cleaned.
CAMILLE (off panel): Daddy.
PAGE THIRTEEN
Panel 1: Ruth’s head is down. Tired and humbled.
RUTH: Uncle Tone is a heckuva guy.
Panel 2: Camille’s head is down. Also tired and humbled. Staring at Mr. Fluff.
CAMILLE: Yeah. He’s been especially nice since Mom died. Too nice.
Panel 3: Ruth looks up at Camille. Her turban towel sags.
RUTH: I really appreciate him taking me in. Appreciate you, too. You know, letting me share your room. You guys make me feel... sorta normal.
Panel 4: They both sigh at the same time.
PAGE FOURTEEN
Panel 1: Ruth’s turban towel is completely unraveling.
RUTH: Too bad we never found your shoes.
Panel 2: They both sigh... again.
INT. FORTUNATO HOUSE — UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
Panel 3: The jar of snouts is no longer outside Camille’s bedroom. But Camille’s dark red, suede wedges are! There’s a handwritten note beside the shoes that reads: “Thought they needed a good brushing. Love, Dad”
Caption: Meanwhile, in the upstairs hallway. . .
PAGE FIFTEEN
INT. FORTUNATO HOUSE — CAMILLE’S BEDROOM
Panel 1: Time has passed. The girls are in pajamas now, lying on their beds. Camille is curled up with Mr. Fluff in her arms. Ruth scans her phone.
Caption: Later.
RUTH: I wouldn’t tell anybody what you saw today.
CAMILLE: Who’d believe it? I don’t even believe it.
Panel 2: Ruth continues to scan her phone.
RUTH: You think that planet’s weird? I know a place that’s infected by a “love bug” virus. (beat) I’m talkin’ kisses and hugs twenty-four seven. You really don’t want to go there. (beat) Ever.
Panel 3: Camille is reflective.
CAMILLE: You think there’s an afterlife? A universe you go to when you—
Panel 4: Both girls stare up at the ceiling.
Panel 5: Repeat panel 4.
RUTH (meekly): Maybe.
PAGE SIXTEEN
Panel 1: Camille glances over at Ruth.
CAMILLE: I guess I kinda overreacted today. I mean, you say a lot of unbelievably weird stuff, but --
SERIES OF B/W FLASHBACKS BEGIN
Panel 2: FLASHBACK 1- CU of young Ruth.
Caption: Ruth at seven-years-old.
RUTH: I rode a frog in the amphibian rodeo. But I never got warts. --
Panel 3: FLASHBACK 2 - CU of young Ruth.
Caption: Ruth at ten-years-old.
RUTH: Mole people don’t see so good, but they’re a lot smarter than you’d think. Too smart.
Panel 4: FLASHBACK 3 - CU of young Ruth.
Caption: Ruth at twelve-years-old.
RUTH: Sorry I’m late. I couldn’t find a proper parachute.
FLASHBACKS END
BACK TO SCENE
INT. FORTUNATO HOUSE — CAMILLE’S BEDROOM
Panel 5: CU of Camille.
CAMILLE: Anyway, you’re not a liar. Or crazy. Whatever. You’re just—
PAGE SEVENTEEN
Panel 1: Overhead view - Camille and Ruth stare up at the ceiling.
CAMILLE: You’re just you. Which is . . . a lot.
RUTH: This kinda reminds me of the time I was studying to be a human cannonball. Some red-nosed clown replaced gunpowder with --
CAMILLE: Get the lights, okay?
Panel 2: Same overhead view, except Ruth is reaching for the side table light.
RUTH: Yeh, you should sleep. (beat) Tomorrow is Saturday.
PAGE EIGHTEEN
Panel 1: CU of Camille. Eyes closed.
RUTH (off panel): We have all weekend to deal with impending doom.
Panel 2: CU of Camille, her eyes wide open.
Panel 3: The lights go out. Pitch black.
PAGE NINETEEN
Panel 1: Camille’s sleep is restless. She tosses. Turns. Eyes mashed tight. Sheets pushed off with Mr. Fluff teetering on the edge of the bed. Distorted images from Camille's adventures with Ruth faintly float above her bed -- Being chased by a dinosaur -- Falling through a dark tube -- Flailing in a raging river of fat .
Caption: Friday night.
Panel 2: Another restless night. This time, Camille has nightmarish dreams of being drenched in fat, chased by dogs. And being surrounded by chattering disembodied heads.
Caption: Saturday night.
Panel 3: Yet another restless night. This time Camille’s nightmare features Gerald’s spooky, larger-than-life face in Chiaroscuro lighting. And he’s cackling.
SFX (undulating): BWAH!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!
Caption: Sunday night.
PAGE TWENTY
Panel 1: Morning light streams through a break between curtains. Camille sits up in bed. Her hair is a wild mess. She looks down at Mr. Fluff, lying on the floor.
Caption: Monday morning.
CAMILLE: Don't judge me, Fluff.
Panel 2: Tight on Mr. Fluff. It's dark, shiny, plastic eyes stare off into oblivion.
CAMILLE (off panel): Just... don't.
Panel 3: Camille snatches the hoodie hanging on the closet door.
Panel 4: Camille exits the room.
Panel 5: The room is empty now. Camille’s bed is still a wreck, but Ruth’s bed is made up and tidy.
PAGE TWENTY-ONE
EXT. ANOTHER WORLD
Panel 1: Near a floating, putty-like, blobby monastery, Ruth is meditating/levitating in the lotus position. She’s facing an AMOEBA MONK (alien spiritual guide) who is also in the lotus position. Bubbly bits of the Amoeba Monk’s head float upward (like the contents of a lava lamp).
Caption: Pseudopodia Galaxy. The Transfiguration Hermitage.
Panel 2: The bubble bits gently drop back down and converge with the rest of Amoeba Monk's amorphous head.
Ruth, one eye open, speaks to the Amoeba Monk.
RUTH: Master? With all I know, all I've seen, can I ever be a regular, normal girl?
PAGE TWENTY-TWO
INT. THE FORTUNATO HOUSE - KITCHEN
Panel 1: Antony is standing by the sink, looking out the window at the backyard and sniffling. His eyes are puffy and red.
Caption: Back on Earth
Panel 2: Camille shuffles in, hiding behind her hoodie. Antony wipes his nose with his sleeve.
Panel 3: Antony attempts a smile.
ANTONY: Morning.
CAMILLE (off panel): Morn-ergh.
PAGE TWENTY-THREE
Panel 1: Antony pours a cup of coffee (in "World's Best Mom" mug).
ANTONY: Ruth still asleep?
Panel 2: Camille takes a banana from a bowl on the kitchen table.
CAMILLE: Yrrrgh.
Panel 2: Camille, hidden behind her hoodie, talks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): I miss Mom, too. But I can't do THIS. Not now.
Panel 4: Camille exits.
CAMILLE: Guuh.
PAGE TWENTY-FOUR
INT. FORTUNATO HOUSE — CAMILLE'S BEDROOM
Panel 1: Camille brushes out her hair at a vanity. Ruth can be seen in the mirror, sitting on the edge of the spare bed.
Caption: Later.
CAMILLE: I was thinking maybe you shouldn't — I mean, we shouldn't ––
Panel 2: Ruth sniffs a sock.
RUTH: Spit it out, cuz.
Panel 3: Camille observes Ruth through the mirror.
CAMILLE: I, um, I was thinking we probably shouldn't make contact, like, at school.
Panel 4: Ruth shakes out the sock.
RUTH: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we don't know each other.
PAGE TWENTY-FIVE
Panel 1: CU of Camille. Uneasy.
CAMILLE: I mean, after school, at home, we can talk and all. But maybe when we're at school --
Panel 2: Ruth pulls on the sock. Her eyes wide and wild.
RUTH: Super idea.
CAMILLE (off panel): Really?
Panel 3: Ruth seems excited.
RUTH: I should go undercover. In-cog-neet-o.
CAMILLE (off panel): O-kay.
Panel 4: Ruth slips on a pair of cat-eye sunglasses.
RUTH: A new identity. A disguise. (beat) I could be like a foreign exchange student from someplace exotic.
PAGE TWENTY-SIX
Panel 1: Camille talks to the reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): Ruth is happy. (beat) Why do I feel so rotten?
Panel 2: Ruth’s energized.
RUTH: What's with the sour puss? This is a really excellent plan, partner. You know, considering the other day.
CAMILLE (off panel): Other day?
Panel 3: Ruth stands, arms wide.
RUTH: Gerald! Now that he knows about you, he's gonna figure out how to find ME.
PAGE TWENTY-SEVEN
Panel 1: Ruth wags a finger in the air.
RUTH: This... this'll throw him.
Panel 2: Camille looks unsure, but Ruth is oblivious, excited.
CAMILLE: So you're not mad? Y-you understand?
RUTH: I could shave my head. No, a wig.
Panel 3: Camille speaks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): Something seems wrong about this so-called plan. Not wrong because I'm being selfish. Mostly wrong because everything hinges on Ruth not screwing it all up.
PAGE TWENTY-EIGHT
EXT. PUDDING MIDDLE SCHOOL
Panel 1: Under blue sky, a modern, bustling, pre-bell school building. The school marker includes a shout-out to the school’s mascot - The Fighting Beavers. Go Beavs!
INT. PUDDING MIDDLE SCHOOL - HOMEROOM
Panel 2:The walls are dingy green. The blinds are closed. Fluorescent lights buzz. Eighth graders are at their desks - napping, chatting, mostly bored.
Panel 3: Camille sits near her crush, CHAD ENDICOTT (13). She longingly stares at him.
PAGE TWENTY-NINE
Panel 1: A stray strand of hair has dropped over one of Chad's eyes.
Panel 2: Chad pushes his hair back.
Panel 3: Ruth is too busy enjoying the Chad show to notice anything else. Sigh.
HOMEROOM TEACHER (off panel): Class, I want to introduce you to a new student. She's from --
PAGE THIRTY
Panel 1: FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM - Ruth is standing beside the Homeroom teacher, MISS FUNT (30s).
Ruth's wearing a pink grass hula skirt and diving goggles. Her shirt has dangling seashells and dried starfish on it. No trapper hat.
MISS FUNT (to Ruth): Where are you from again, dear?
RUTH: Kitchikatkachoo.
Panel 2: Ruth proudly announces:
RUTH: We’ve got the largest population of Aye-Aye Lemurs in the world.
MISS FUNT (off panel): Oh my.
PAGE THIRTY-ONE
Panel 1: Miss Funt talks directly to the class. Ruth's open smile reveals a gold tooth.
MISS FUNT: We learn something new every day. Don't we, class?
Panel 2: The Homeroom class stares mesmerized/uneasy.
Panel 3: Miss Funt reads from a slip of paper.
MISS FUNT: Let me see if I can get your name right. "Roo-tay"?
PAGE THIRTY-TWO
Panel 1: Ruth is beaming.
RUTH: Call me ROOT!
Panel 2: Miss Funt gently nudges Ruth to find a seat.
MISS FUNT: You can take a seat now, Root.
Panel 3: Miss Funt with hands on hips.
MISS FUNT: Now, I want everyone to pitch in and help Root get acquainted with her new surroundings. ‘Kay?
PAGE THIRTY-THREE
Panel 1: Ruth's ankle-laced espadrilles squeak as she shuffles past her blushing cousin.
Panel 2: Chad slides down in his seat, whispers.
CHAD: Camille.
Panel 3: Camille talks to the reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): OMG. Chad Endicott knows my name.
PAGE THIRTY-FOUR
Panel 1: Chad jerks his head in Ruth's direction.
CHAD: Wotta freak.
Panel 2: Camille speaks to reader.
CAMILLE (ASIDE): I should probably defend Ruth. It IS the right thing to do.
Panel 3: Camille leans over, side-mouth whispers to Chad.
CAMILLE: Yeah. A real freak.
PAGE THIRTY-FIVE
Panel 1: EXT. SH’DO WORLD — RASCAL WAREHOUSE. In the middle-of-nowhere, a standing sign displays a blinking neon devil’s head. Under the sign, an outlet that supplies gadgets, weapons, and equipment that can be used for nasty practical jokes and/or elaborate revenge schemes. All the super villains shop there.
Gerald's dinosaur is parked outside, tied to a horse rail.
Caption: The Inter-dimensional Black Market.
GERALD (from inside warehouse): She's not fooling me. I know she has it.
Panel 2: INT. RASCAL WAREHOUSE. Gerald is rolling a shopping cart down an aisle. One of the boxes in his cart reads: SPY BUGS. He's being followed by a store CLERK. The Clerk is dressed like a clown in an apron (w/store logo imprint).
Note: Shelves should be full of all kinds of sinister stuff, including custom explosives that look like toys or pies or flowers or cigars.
GERALD: I won't let her win this game. I'm coming prepared.
CLERK: Have you seen our new robot line in aisle 12?
Panel 3: AISLE 12. The Clerk points out something we can't see, but Gerald can. And he likes what he sees.
There's a sign on the wall behind them that reads: PRANK CRANKERS! In smaller print on the same sign: (tm) Nano Gateway Meta-Universal, LLC.
CLERK: This might be just the thing you're looking for, sir.
Panel 4: We get a glimpse of what Gerald is admiring -- a huge pink eraser head.
GERALD: Oh, that'll do nicely.
THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH (Script) © Mark Ricketts
THE UNBELIEVABLE RUTH (Art) © Shane White
"Sir Wentworth Snottington-Goon . . ." Paging P.G. Wodehouse....
Poor Ruth, I'm glad she knows how to have fun wherever she is, because Camille is being a pill. Chad Endicott, indeed. He has a mean face and a meaner mouth. 🤨